• Grieving a Loved One's Death After Illness

    No matter how long a loved one was ill, several years, a few months, or a few days, you may be asking yourself why they happened to die just then.

    Especially those who endured long illnesses over many years with all the ups and downs of their getting better then relapsing, it never seems to be the time we thought they would die.  Surely, there should have been one more round of therapy, one more strategy to keep them alive, one more type of medicine.

    And after all that was done, and all they endured, you may feel how unfair it is that it didn't work.

    You tried so hard to convince yourself that they would definitely get well and stay well.  Isn't that how it's supposed to work after all the treatments they went through?

    And maybe there were times you doubted that it would work permanently.  Maybe you teetered on not knowing whether to believe for the best or prepare for the worst.  And you weren't sure if preparing yourself for their death was some sort of betrayal.

    And now you feel cheated of all that they could have yet done with their lives and you have every right to feel that way.

    You took on the burdens when they were sick and you stood by them through all their pain and now you're exhausted too.

    And you have every right to feel relieved, even though you might feel guilty to feel relieved.

    Sickness, over a long amount of time, takes a toll on everyone involved.  Now you must take time for you. 

    Be kind to yourself and realize everything played out exactly how it was supposed to.

    Mary M. McCambridge